Here We Go Again

With all the time I think i need today I want to write the most inspiring blog post ever.  But the trouble is I am unsure of what you want to hear.  I think this goes along with my not knowing where i am in life.
I so want this all to happen but i fear the end result.  I have been working toward this since the beginning but have not advanced far enough to suit me.  Much of my problem is I always worry about what you want to hear not about what i want to do or say. I think they call that people pleasing but my goal is to please those i am with so how can people pleasing be bad.

Our vacation went well except instead of thinking of my wife, I thought about cock and how wonderful it would be to run into one during our travels. I was standing on a ferry and a gentleman eyed me from afar, I smiled and he quickly looked away. I looked his way again a few moments later and again he was eyeing me. Now here we go this gets interesting as for the first time on the trip I thought about trying to lure his bbc to the bathroom for a quick blow job. I thought about it for days but by the time i made the decision he was gone. fucked another one up.

Those are the places my head was at during the entire trip. I even revisited the last time my second wife and I had sex.  She had already told me she was leaving, her father had offered her a house on the one condition, she didn't bring me.  while not quite to the level of devastated i was damaged. so I tied her up and slipped off to the other room, found a teddy and put it on. I then found her reddest lipstick and applied that.  I then returned to my little slave and we made love with me dressed like that, one of my first attempts at dressing as an adult. she liked it as i think she liked the lesbian action more than a little.  I had completely forgotten about this as I was mostly glad to see her gone.

 Back to normal now and still alone. At least i get the chance occasionally to write here on my blog.  I feel something is going to happen soon whether my wife catches me  and leaves or I just decide to leave on my own. But those are such big questions and there are no answers yet in my head.  Hope to hear from you all soon and thanks for listening. hugs and kisses