Some one left me a message the other day about why i don't write anymore. Not sure why. Tired of slinking around hiding the fact i am a cum loving sissy faggot.  My need for cock seems unsatiable. I hide all of this behind a facade of lies intent on keeping me comfortable in the world i live in. Truth is i get more uncomfortable as time passes.  Pictures of cocks whether big and black real man cocks or little clitties in panties make me hard and my mouth starts to water in anticipation.

So I hide in my real world trying to stay manly enough that no one knows who i really am.  I long for the feel of satin on my skin without the interference of god awful hair.  i sometimes delve into the erotic literature that i like to read but haven't been to successful with writing,

There I was sitting at my home office compter, scanning the sissy blogs, dressed in black panties, 3 inch heels with a black bra, my little sissy clitty was protruding the top of my bikini panties when suddenly I heard a knock on the door. Always the shy one I quickly decided not to answer it and continued looking at the "Submit to Black" blogspot. Again the knock, a little more adamant and again i decided to ignore it. Even stronger and more adamant it repeated. Being the submissive that i am, I slipped into a bathrobe and went to the front door to stop the incessant knocking.
Standing at my door was one of the neighbors whom i had seen but never met. He introduced himself as Jim and stated that his wife was waiting for me to come have coffee at their house. 
"Why thank you Jim but I am a little tied up with work right now could we make it another time?"
Jim's reply rattled me to the core, "Reg, We know. Come to the house now."
As calmly as possible I asked, "You know what?" All Jim said was, "about you."
"Well let me get dressed I am not running around the neighborhood dressed like this."
"Come as you are, Now!"

This is as far as i ever get. Always the bridesmaid never the bride so to speak.  It is hard living here in small town america where not everything is allowed. We still have to eat it seems.  I continue to exist in the double life. but I am trying albeit none to successfully to be a man when in reality i am no more than a cum craved little sissy faggot. I can watch all the hypno video, look at all the blogs and chat online but the fact remains i am stuck here.

surrender

Sitting in a motel room tonight perusing the blogs and I want to share my feminine side with you. The little harlot that screams out for cock. My date canceled tonight.  so i am stuck here looking at pictures that make my cock ache. I wanted the real thing.  I do think it was legitimate. but I wanted him to be here too. The pictures are starting to look good and my little clitty is starting to stand at attention and ooze that lovely precum. 

tomorrow will be another day. 

Mistress, to be or not to be????

I sometimes wonder.  I started this blog because I was ordered to do so by Mistress Jessica. I would have done anything for her, I think. I wanted her to invite me to come to her town and train me. That was my fantasy and not hers.  She has since moved on and I miss her.  I read other blogs of gurls who are influenced by their mistress and I am so envious. On the other hand, if I were under their power I would not be able to do what they ask because of my situation. So I wonder, if I could ever have a mistress, if we could find a way for me to be trained and under her power I would cook and clean and ......




  I get so horny when I fantasize about fluffing for my mistress or cleaning up after she and her lover have finished. To lick the cum of another man from her pussy gets me so hard. Turning to him, I take him into my mouth to clean and stimulate for another round, oh my god how divine!  I envision a pallet made for me at the end of the bed, there I sit, lay, watch, a collar around my neck with a leash leading to my goddess.  She tugs, there i am at her service. so simple yet so far away.

Slutty today

I am feeling a little slutty today. I am reading blogs and getting so horny. where is that cock when I need one?  I am off to find a dildo and play.

Spinning

Once again I am posting with little to say but I can let you know what I am thinking about.  I had an opportunity to meet my first blowjob yesterday.  We had a wonderful conversation while lunching with friends.  It went well. I am not sure he knows he will be the first but the door is open and I have his number!!!!

I just want the opportunity to be me, regardless.  We should all get that chance.  I hope you all enjoy. 

Here We Go Again

With all the time I think i need today I want to write the most inspiring blog post ever.  But the trouble is I am unsure of what you want to hear.  I think this goes along with my not knowing where i am in life.
I so want this all to happen but i fear the end result.  I have been working toward this since the beginning but have not advanced far enough to suit me.  Much of my problem is I always worry about what you want to hear not about what i want to do or say. I think they call that people pleasing but my goal is to please those i am with so how can people pleasing be bad.

Our vacation went well except instead of thinking of my wife, I thought about cock and how wonderful it would be to run into one during our travels. I was standing on a ferry and a gentleman eyed me from afar, I smiled and he quickly looked away. I looked his way again a few moments later and again he was eyeing me. Now here we go this gets interesting as for the first time on the trip I thought about trying to lure his bbc to the bathroom for a quick blow job. I thought about it for days but by the time i made the decision he was gone. fucked another one up.

Those are the places my head was at during the entire trip. I even revisited the last time my second wife and I had sex.  She had already told me she was leaving, her father had offered her a house on the one condition, she didn't bring me.  while not quite to the level of devastated i was damaged. so I tied her up and slipped off to the other room, found a teddy and put it on. I then found her reddest lipstick and applied that.  I then returned to my little slave and we made love with me dressed like that, one of my first attempts at dressing as an adult. she liked it as i think she liked the lesbian action more than a little.  I had completely forgotten about this as I was mostly glad to see her gone.

 Back to normal now and still alone. At least i get the chance occasionally to write here on my blog.  I feel something is going to happen soon whether my wife catches me  and leaves or I just decide to leave on my own. But those are such big questions and there are no answers yet in my head.  Hope to hear from you all soon and thanks for listening. hugs and kisses

  

All alone

Oh so sexy laying on the bed but as with us who hide our dreams and desires hiding behind a facade of marriage, she is alone.  I like to feel all girly, giddy like a little school girl. But the bottom line is nothing. How long will I be content to jack off into my hand and lick my cum clean because I haven't done the footwork to get what I really want. A real man with a big cock which starts to throb and cum into my mouth. I don't just want, I absolutely must have it. I am a cock craving, cum loving, sissy faggot, cock whore and I want to live the part.

I would love to have implants so I could look like this.  Nice titties which would make me even more attractive, sexy and womanly.  I practice all the time to be a minceing little slut dressed in my 3" high heels and panties. I always wonder should I have done this all long ago.  I always come up with the answer "hell yes". But I didn't and today is today.

I hope you enjoy this. I will be unavailable for a short period so please comment and I will respond at some point in the future. hugs to all, Regina